Realizing I had been seeking validation without knowing it...

I realized that ever since childhood, I have been living surrounded by noise. So much noise. Even while living in the suburbs, the house can be noisy. And from all of this noise, how much of it was something that empowered me? Maybe 1%? And it usually involved someone getting drunk before empowering words could leave their lips. Ok, so what about the other 99% of the time? It was either just noise, OR, someone telling me I wasn't 'good' enough. There was usually someone reminding me that something I was doing, or the way I looked, or the way I talked was not 'good' enough. I have only realized this now that I have been in my hometown for about 3 weeks, and the same patterns have begun to appear. People in my family of different ages, telling me that something about me is not 'good' enough. But on the other hand I have to understand, that they had no idea of the effect that they had been having not only on me but also on my brother and cousins.

A big insight. People who don't feel secure about their own self worth, will try to convince you that you are not good enough (many times this happens on auto pilot and they aren't aware that they are doing it).

On the other hand, people who have caught even a GLIMPSE of their own self worth are more inclined to helping other people realize this as well.

The reality is this: looking for your 'worth' is a trap. The more you seek it, the more you forget that you already have it.

It's one of those things caught within the paradox. And there are many more, we'll probably get to them in future posts.

The skill to learn now is this: remind yourself that you are ALREADY worthy, especially in those moments when you might have forgotten.

    - This skill really comes in handy when people in your family accidentally say things that might                 make you feel 'not enough'.

You are ALREADY enough. Now go pursue the activities that make your life feel meaningful 😊