Healing the 'Inner Child'

 Step 1: Inner child gets triggered by something.

Step 2: You observe the suffering while it takes you by the hand into the root of the wound.

Step 3: You tend the wound with love and you forgive the inner child for feeling hurt (in my case the inner child had created a story where it deserved to be hurt). You let the inner child know that it's okay to feel loved.

Step 4: Continue with whatever you have to do throughout the day, the healing process has already begun.

Step 5: You realize the inner child is just an illusion and therefore so was the wound. It's really just an unresolved memory in your nervous system, which has now been resolved with LOVE.

I had to do this recently because I had been living in a way where my loved ones had the power to accidentally bring me down with their words. I had to ask myself... 'Why am I giving them the power to accidentally hurt me like this?' It feels pretty normal in Latino culture (and others as well) to make fun of each other as a way to communicate with friends and loved ones. We roast the ones we love right? And now that I think about it, it SHOULD BE FUN! But recently I got triggered by it. I had to ask myself why. My intelligence/memory was made fun of by someone I love, and instead of laughing along I took it personally. But why?! The fact that it hurt me was 100% my own responsibility and I had to figure out why I was able to have my 'button' pushed. What the hell was that 'button' and how did it get there in the first place?

I realized that the 'button' was a lack of self-esteem. I had been TRYING to improve my self-esteem, instead of straight up deciding that I'm already an intelligent person who is evolving non-stop for an infinity amount of time. If someone is implying that I'm stupid, I don't have to believe them even if they are someone close to me. That being said, if someone close to you accidentally triggers you it's totally fair to set a boundary while you figure out how to remove the 'button'.

As I write this I can feel the 'inner child' wishing that it could be allowed to keep the 'button' and continue suffering. It wants to feel like a victim. It wants to be saved by someone. It doesn't want to believe that everything is already okay, even though it actually is. I'm doing my best to communicate to it like: 'Hey kid, you're already saved. There's no need to look for a savior.'

As an adult we can do this and repair our psyche. As children, I imagine it would be near impossible to do so unless we are taught how to. So when speaking to children we must be very mindful of what words we choose. If you are interested in the topic of mindfulness and parenting, I highly recommend the author Dr. Shefali Tsabary.

As a way to practice the healing mentioned above in my own psyche, I now choose to imagine the following visualization: [Me sitting face-to-face with a loved one and that person asking me: 'Are you stupid or something?' And me making eye-contact, smiling and shaking my head no. 100% instant forgiveness if anything is triggered.']

As I'm writing this I am realizing that my parents and teachers never taught me how to believe in myself. And actually that's okay! I can teach myself now, and then I can pass this skill on to my loved ones, my English students, and my future children. I feel excited for that!

Now I choose to consume some relevant content in order to see an example of someone who is unphased by being judged in a face-to-face conversation. Jay Shetty and Daymond Jones conversation

Wishing you the best with any future 'Inner Child' challenges.

Much love!